On the booby-centric episode two of ABC's new hour-long comedy GCB, viewers were treated to another heaping dose of Carlene Cockburn-isms thanks to Tony winner Kristin Chenoweth. This week, the plastic-surgery loving, churchgoing Dallas housewife tries to shut down the Boobylicious Club (a sports bar Carlene and her husband Ripp just happen to own) after it nearly ruins her good-girl reputation at church. Since Carlene’s rival Amanda is an employee at Boobylicious, it all fits nicely into the conniving millionaire’s master plan. Read this week’s Gospel According to Carlene, then check back next week for more Bits!
Name: Carlene Cockburn
Motto: “Cleavage helps your cross hang straight.”
Plastic Surgeon: Dr. Smithbrow
Costume Changes: 10
Cutest Outfit: Bright yellow dress with ruffles, gold belt, white sunglasses and silk head scarf
Housekeeper: Carmelita
Exercise Equipment: Pink hand weights (to match her Chanel jogging suit)
Boobylicious Moment: Answering her cell phone in a flowery (and revealing!) negligee
Church Choir Solo: “Jesus, Take the Wheel”
Best Reason to Listen to Ripp: “Duh, he’s my husband, I came from his rib. Genesis, right there in black and white.”
Best Excuse to Show Cleavage: “I have a wonderful, spiritual husband who likes them where he can see them.”
Funniest Prank: Offering Amanda a ride, then giving her seat away to a barbecued pig
Bible Blog Wisdom: “If your husband’s getting a plentiful feast at home, he won’t go a-snackin’ at Boobylicious.”