Omissions, Impressions & Mispronunciations: Unforgettable 2005 Tony Moments
The good, the bad, the ridiculous, the sublime... We catalogued the most memorable and forgettable moments from the 59th Annual Tony Awards.
Most Glaring Omissions
Does the "c" in CBS stand for "Censorship"? During the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' ditty, the network objected to the notion of culture and sophistication coming out of Norbert Leo Butz's ass—and bleeped out not only "ass" but half the lyric. Later in the song, a mention of "hummers" as in, a certain sexual activity was lost, but the mention of a "Hummer" as in, a certain overpriced SUV was retained. Thank goodness they didn't perform a scene from Glengarry Glen Ross. We wouldn't have heard a word.
Best Impersonation of a CBS Newscaster
Victoria Clark, saddled with a massive hand mic while addressing the audience during her Light in the Piazza performance
Best Impersonation of a Tony Host
Billy Crystal, who practically had to be yanked off stage with a cane to make way for actual host Hugh Jackman. Still, we can't help but wonder if Crystal was offered the hosting gig. Inquiring minds want to know.
Best Judi Dench Impression
Adriane Lenox, whose role in Doubt runs about 10 minutes or so—about the amount of time Dench spent on screen in her Oscar-winning Shakespeare in Love role.
Best Camryn Manheim Impression
The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee winner Dan Fogler, rejoicing that "We did it with this hair! And in this body!"
Best Deer in the Headlights Impression
Presenter Julia Stiles, who talked about the "rush of excitement" of a Tony nomination with neither a rush nor excitement.
Random Product Placement #1
Spamalot winner Sara Ramirez thanked—first and foremost—Claritin. Something tells us she'll be breathing easily for life.
Random Product Placement #2
While being interviewed backstage, best director winner Doug Hughes Doubt was besieged by a loudly ringing cell phone. His own loudly ringing cell phone. "It's a Sprint phone," he shrugged apologetically.
Coming Soon to a T-Shirt Near You…
Mike Nichols' motto, which he graciously directed to his Best Direction of a Musical competition: "Cheer Up. Life isn't everything."
Spelling Bee librettist Rachel Sheinkin, dubbed Rachel Shenk-man first by presenter Mario Cantone, then by the CBS announcer. Wouldn't it have been great if, like her character William Barfee, she'd corrected all of us? "It's pronounced Sheinkin!"
Worst Mispronunciation of a Difficult Name
The announcer—again!—calling Sara SA-da Ramirez "Sa-RA" Ramirez. Someone get this woman Hooked on Phonics for next year.
Has Al Sharpton Ever Been So Popular?
The New York City pol brought his famous poker face and more famous hairdo to The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. What did we learn about Al? He can't spell, but he supports racial equality and macaroni and cheese. He's got our vote.
Best Anniversary Present
A Tony Award, which Billy Crystal and wife Janice each received, just one day after celebrating 35 years of marriage. We knew the first anniversary was paper, and the 25th silver, and the 50th gold—but who knew the 35th was Tony?
Best Excuse to Get Out of Housework
A Tony Award, as Adriane Lenox demonstrated. "I'm not washin' any more dishes! I can't hold this and wash dishes too!"
Hey, Everyone Else Thought So, Too
Featured Actor winner Liev Schreiber, mulling over his tight category, which included co-stars Alan Alda and Gordon Clapp, Virginia Woolf's David Harbour, and The Pillowman's Michael Stuhlbarg. "To be perfectly honest," said Schreiber, "I thought Michael Stuhlbarg was going to win."
One Giant Step for Gay Rights
While CBS was censoring words like "ass," Pulitzer Prize winners were paying tribute to their partners. In a poignant pre-telecast speech condensed and rebroadcast during the show, Lifetime Achievement Tony winner Edward Albee paid tribute to his companion of 35 years, who passed away just one month ago. Jerry Mitchell thanked his same-sex sweetie. And Cherry Jones, who made a similar splash back in 1995 when she won for The Heiress, paused before going to the podium to present Glass Menagerie star Sarah Paulson with a big kiss.
Give It Up for the Catholics!
Doubt playwright John Patrick Shanley gave a shout-out to both the Sisters of Charity for teaching him to write and the Irish Catholic Brothers for throwing him out of high school.
And the Episcopalians!
During the Spelling Bee scene, actor Jay Reiss defined phylactery thus: "Billy, put down that phylactery. We're Episcopalian."
And for David Mamet…Sort Of
In the press room, Glengarry Glen Ross producer Jeffrey Richards was singing the praises of America's most profane playwright, and proudly noted that "This is David Mamet's first Tony." Trouble is, the producers get the awards for revivals—so Mamet won't get the trophy. Perhaps Richards will share his. Maybe they can work out a time share.
Most Gracious Winner
Cherry Jones, who couldn't say enough about how amazing she thought competitor Kathleen Turner is in Virginia Woolf. And she should know: Jones played Turner's role at a Northwestern University theater program at the tender age of 16.
Most Random Hecklers
Eric Idle and Diane Sawyer, who were shouting out—lovingly, we should note—at their beloved director and husband respectively Mike Nichols while he spoke to journalists.
"I've been fortunate enough to win an Oscar, a Pulitzer, and a Tony award and I still can't do the Sunday crossword puzzle," confessed Shanley. Well, now we know what he didn't do the morning before the Tonys…
On Random Celebrity Pairings
We appreciate any attempt to goose the ratings, but Hugh Jackman and Aretha Franklin singing the love duet from West Side Story? Those two generated about as much heat as a day-old burrito. And was it just us or did her gown look suspiciously like Spamalot armor? Somewhere, backstage, there was a naked knight saying "Ni!"
You Can Take the Guy Out of the Clown…
…but you can't take the clown out of the guy. Virginia Woolf winner—and master mime—Bill Irwin did a near pratfall on his way up to the podium. Hey, it's all fun and games until someone breaks a foot.
And Speaking of Foot Breaking…
Everyone was shocked Angela Bassett looked especially astonished! when Christina Applegate appeared to fall off a lamppost on her way to present the Best Choreography Tony. Relax, kids, it was a stunt double. But we do applaud Applegate's sense of humor.
Ickiest Celeb Banter
CBS Early Show host Harry Smith to co-presenter Doris Roberts: "Doris, I love being in your bedroom every morning." Um, after that exchange, we needed a Silkwood shower!
Harvey Fierstein as Deep Throat?
Come on, Billy, you can do better than that.
"13 Angry Men If You Count John Simon?"
You really can do better than that.
The Opening Montage
Featuring moments from Dracula, Good Vibrations and Brooklyn. We all can do better than that.
